It was around the same time of year that it is now when I moved over to Vancouver with my mother. My mother knew how unsettling it must have felt to leave your friends, or at least the very few you had, and arrive to a whole new place you had no knowledge of. I remember going out to buy some fresh new clothes so that I could look fresh and impress all of the new girls I would eventually meet and hey maybe even get to hang out with one for awhile. I didn't really have that much of a fashion statement, I just wore whatever felt comfortable to me, and something that was almost impossible to make fun of. I ended up getting this white button up shirt that didn't seem so bad, only thing was is that it was a couple sizes too big so I ended up looking like a young kid that just raided his parents wardrobe and decided to play dress up. I knew how stupid it looked, but then again, it was all I really had. After all, I just brought a small backpack of clothes that would suffice for my short visitation at my mothers house before I eventually had to go back to my home in Yakima with my father. But as the time came to come back home, my dad decided he wasn't going to show up. I was so curious why he just decided that he wasn't gonna pick his kid up, but that's a different story. So, it was finally my first day of school in Vancouver.
My mom was excited that I was finally able to be with her and get away from my father and the both of us not having to deal with him. My mom decided that morning that she was going to make breakfast for me to try to calm down all of the nervous thoughts I had in my mind. I ate, and now the time I was dreading approached. I jumped into the car and soon enough we were in front of the school with about 10 minutes to spare. "Gabe, I know you're still trying to adjust but I wan't you to stay positive. This is a new thing for the both of us, lets try to get used to it. What do you say?" I watched as I saw kids talking to each other and exchanging stories they had over winter break. "Alright." I said. "Have a good day at school!" Yeah right. I must have stuck out like a sore thumb because it felt like everyone was staring at me while I was walking to the front doors. But I knew I was going to be alright. I asked my brother for advise about switching schools and what not, and he gave me 3 rules to always follow. 1. Never talk to anyone first, the people who come up to you are probably the weirdos 2. Sit outside during lunch, there's always less people outside 3. Shut up and keep your head down I did as follows. I sat alone. I ate alone. I never opened my mouth. I didn't even look at anyone. I became a ghost, and I was perfectly okay with it. But eventually my natural social behavior broke free and I ended up meeting new friends and fell into a weird clique that was just made up of 3 people who were as weird as I am. My group of friends and I were so excited to be able to go to high school together and I thought that would be amazing considering that I wouldn't have to move again. But, I was wrong. I left my friends again, but I just wanted to give this new school a shot. Fort seemed like a nice place. Fast forward now to freshman year. My hair covered my eyes and I looked like coconut head from "Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide". My solid base of friends was now set, and I felt like I belonged somewhere now. My new school felt like home, my friends made my home even better, and I was starting to forget my old life and create a fresh new one with entirely different people. I always remember older people telling me stories, more than likely my uncle, about how high school is a place where you learn to find yourself and watch other people choose different paths and watch them change. Sometimes these changes were for good, and some change wasn't as good. But I was young, I blew off most of his stories and thought "whatever, it's just going to be the same through and through. My friends and I are going to graduate and be brothers forever." If only I knew then. Sophomore year was when things started to pick up speed, and I had to watch everyone slowly die around me, including myself. But it wasn't all bad. There was always a class that I hated, it was World History, so I picked it up right away, but the class was super boring. I was placed next to these people who seemed fine, but none of my usual friends were in this class besides a few. It was about 3 minutes since the bell rang for 1st period, I was early for class sitting in a chair waiting for class to start. The chair in front of me was empty, so I automatically thought "Yeah, now I can relax" and I rested my feet on the chair. Then out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a girl who was walking toward the seat so I put my feet down just in case that was her seat. Sure enough, it was. The whole time I was thinking "Wow, she is really pretty. DON'T SAY ANYTHING STUPID!" I soon enough started to talk to her, slowly but steadily we started to become friends. She was always late for 1st period because she was either at Dutch getting tea, or because she overslept. I remember getting sad because I thought she wasn't going to come to class that day. Whenever a late student would open the door I would swing my head around in excitement to see if it was her. Most of the time it was, and I couldn't help but let this smile out when I knew that I was going to be able to talk to her today. She made first period enjoyable and livable. Who knew she would eventually make my life that as well. Everything seemed to be going well, great actually. I got myself a girl, I made it onto the baseball team, my grades were great, and life at home was sweet and quiet. But life had other plans. There were lessons that needed to be taught, and there was no way of preparing yourself for these lessons. Drugs and alcohol has always been a problem for teenagers way before my time. It seemed like another part of growing up. I constantly was told to never involve myself with drugs and alcohol, and that seemed like a no brainer. But life had something to teach me, and I wasn't going to like it. My friends that I made in freshman year, they caught the habit, and I fell into the same hole with them. I started to care less. I cared less about baseball, I cared less about school, I cared less about home. Eventually while my mom was sleeping, I would sneak off during the night and walk around my neighborhood looking for something to do. There was no particular place to go so I wondered out on adventures with my friends and proceeded to pick our own poison for the night. There always seemed to be a moment in time where I would space out and look at myself from a third person point of view, and I didn't appreciate what I was seeing. It was too much, I had to leave quickly before I ended up doing something stupid. I came back home, crawled into bed, and cried. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, and I noticed that I started to change. My friends became distant, I didn't talk to my mother, and I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to be alone so badly that I didn't even feel comfortable sleeping in my own bed. So I would dress with a lot of layers and grab a few blankets and crawl through my window and ended up walking to a park not to far away from where I live. There was a slide that I would lay one of the blankets on and then proceed to lay on top of it and look up into the stars. Everything was so peaceful. I seemed so small compared to that infinite void I stared into. I truly believed that I was an insignificant grain of sand who couldn't understand how to control himself and that it eventually wouldn't matter because at the end of the day the king and the pawn go into the same box. But it's how you play the game that determines weather a winner or a loser goes into the box. It's junior year now. I'm sitting at my computer writing this blog post that seems like a lot but in reality is just a small chapter on what my adventure is like, after all, I'm only 17. Over the course of life shaping me and making me change my perspective on things I notice that everything isn't silver and gold, but there are things that shine brighter than silver or gold. My friends are in a hole dug deep enough to were they can't get out, or it would be really hard to get yourself out it. I've met new people, and I've changed a lot. What's important to remember, however, is that I haven't really figured it out yet. Obviously that is a given, but there has been so much I've learned from the people I met, to the friends I've made, to my experiences weather they were good or bad, that all of this over a span of 3-4 years has completely changed who I thought I was. Granted, stupid decisions have still been made unfortunately. Life had a lesson though, and this one was important. One of the most powerful things to do is to admit that you are wrong. I know that I am young and have a lot to learn. But from what I can tell, what I think about High School is that it's one of the best and worst times of your life. But we all get out of it one way or another, and what you get from it is your own story, this is a part of mine, and I'm glad I got to share it with everyone here.
9 Comments
Jatos
12/15/2015 11:39:10 am
This is wonderful. Super proud of you.
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Taylor
12/17/2015 01:15:12 pm
you and pizza..... Good job though
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Koba
12/18/2015 11:09:28 am
I think you got the wrong post because I never mentioned pizza in this hahahaha
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Adam
12/18/2015 11:03:09 am
Bravo. This was actually really captivating, good analogies and metaphors, sweet story
Reply
Eli
12/18/2015 11:36:28 am
The amount of detail in your blogs is outrageous, but good blog post.
Reply
Ky
12/18/2015 01:39:22 pm
Friends are a great thing huh.
Reply
wollf
12/29/2015 11:48:14 pm
I'm glad we met 8th grade year Gabe, I am also glad You're apart of my life (More or less)
Reply
Mo
1/22/2016 03:21:28 pm
Good job
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